The holidays are upon us. The music, the decorations, and the anticipation of the celebration surrounds us. But we have a heavy heart and do not feel like rejoicing. Perhaps this is our first holiday season since our loved one died. Perhaps it is not the first. Either way, the grief and sadness can return at this time of year with a vengeance. We have little to be joyful about and everything seems to remind us of what we have lost.
It is a good idea to prepare and plan ahead in order to avoid being overwhelmed with grief during the holidays.
Don't face grief alone. Seek out friends and family for companionship and support. Whether it be for a quiet evening of visiting or going out to shop together, others can take the sting out of our loneliness. Phone calls, letters, and e-mails can keep us in touch with loved ones that live elsewhere. A bereavement support group can connect us to others who understand and share our pain. Also, we must recognize when we need to be alone and not be afraid to miss social occasions, if necessary. Whatever our needs, we must communicate them clearly to those around us.
Change our routines. It is often helpful to make minor, or even major, changes in our holiday traditions. A different location, worship service, or type of meal can help ease painful memories. Simplifying our holiday routine is a good idea. Grief is physically and mentally exhausting. Cut back on shopping, decorating and cooking, if we wish. Our family and friends will understand. It doesn't mean that we will lose that tradition forever, we are just putting it on hold until we have had more time to heal.
Memorialize the loss of our loved one. This tangible acknowledgement of their life can be very comforting. There are many ways to do this:
Donate time or money to a charity in their name.
Look through photo albums and/or create a scrapbook.
Plant a tree.
Prepare their favorite food.
Visit the cemetery.
Hang a memorial ornament on your Christmas tree.
Light a candle.
Have a prayer service.
Write a letter to our loved one.
Gather together family & friends to share stories and memories of our loved one.
Volunteer to help others who are in need. There are many in this world who are suffering in different ways than us. Reaching out to help the needy is beneficial to ourselves as well as others. At this time in our lives, we have a compassion born of our own suffering. Others can sense this compassion and we are called to act on our new perspective. Serving meals to the homeless, "adopting" a family for Christmas, helping at a children's center--this work helps us to count our blessings and keep in mind our brothers and sisters who are less fortunate than us. It is also a marvelous way to honor and memorialize our lost loved one.
Take time to care for ourselves. We can indulge ourselves at home with a good book, some hot cocoa, a warm bath, or a cozy fire. We may choose to get away to a beach, the mountains, or another city for a complete change of scenery. Get out and walk, take up a new sport, or join a gym. Physical activity will help relieve the stress and give us a renewed sense of confidence. We can sort out our emotions by journaling our thoughts and feelings.
Let the spiritual meaning of the holidays be our focal point. Faith gives us comfort and meaning. The holidays are intended to celebrate the miracle of God's love for us. Contemplate the depth and breadth of that love and seek hope and joy in remembering that even in the deepest pain, we are never removed from the love of God.
Looking ahead to this time of year may overwhelm us today, but there will come a time when we will be able to anticipate the holidays with peace and comfort. Until then, take one day at a time. The journey that begins with the new year will bring new joys and experiences.
