by Mary Zemites
One of the most distressing aspects surrounding the death of someone we love is the overwhelming sense of powerlessness. The realization that we could not prevent this death and will not be able to prevent the future deaths of other people we love is profound.
Independence, productivity and being in control are very highly regarded in our society. In reality, we are all powerless against the inevitably of death. But somehow we often don't fully come to terms with this until we experience the loss of someone dear to us.
The word "powerless" has many synonyms -helpless, incapable, ineffective, defenseless, and weak. All have negative connotations and are all antonyms of that most valued adjective - strong. So, in addition to feeling as though our heart is broken, we are left with the overwhelming, absolute knowledge, that we are not in control of our lives. In a sense, we feel like victims.
We break down emotionally at the most inconvenient times and places. We are left to helplessly watch our child, parent, spouse, sibling or friend also suffer greatly in their grief. We can't focus on or complete even the simplest task. We can't sleep or eat in any regular pattern. In short, our entire lives are spinning out of control. Those first hours, days, weeks or months after someone dies can seem hopeless and unbearable.
