In the previous E-Newsletter, we discussed what prayer is (and what it is not). This article focuses more specifically on how one ought to pray.

A few introductory points to consider:

• Rely on God. We can’t develop a relationship with God by ourselves. Relationships by definition require at least two people. We must rely on the grace God of and trust Him to take the lead in this relationship.
• Find a quiet time and place. It can be at home or in Church, in the morning or the evening, whatever time and whatever place makes the most sense in your life. Find a time and place which are suitable for you and then be resolved to  make it happen.
• Know the goal. The point of prayer is to unite your heart and mind, your very being, to God himself, also called communion with God. Another term for this goal is contemplation, God’s free gift of unity with Him in prayer. All other things, like methods of prayer, particular devotions, etc., are at the service of contemplation. We should not let them get in the way of unity or communion with God.
• Find a spiritual director. If you can, find someone to discuss your prayer life with so that you have another perspective to guide you and aid your understanding of God’s presence in your prayer life. This is essential to knowing if your prayer is from God or yourself.

The Method and the Goal

Remember that the goal of prayer is developing a profound relationship with God. This  contemplative union, as it is also called, is described as a sense of the nearness of God within the soul. It is important to recognize that the contemplative union is a freely given grace from God, and as such, is not something that we can acquire by our own efforts.

The “method” of prayer is meditation - filling your mind and heart by pondering on God’s revelation of Himself. It is starting a conversation with God. When you pray, your effort (meditation) forms an opening in your heart where God may come in and dwell. This creates an opening for God to act within you and draw you into a closer union with Himself (contemplation).

Simply stated, meditation is the work we do to open ourselves up to God and contemplation is God’s response when we open our heart and mind to Him.

Be careful to keep in mind that the method (meditation) should not get in the way of the goal (contemplation). When you sense that your conversation is giving way to a more wordless understanding, or begin to sense the nearness of God, then you should give priority to this gift of contemplation. 

An Analogy to Aid Our Understanding 

Prayer can be a lot like volleyball. When one team is poised to receive a serve, they are not standing around waiting, inactive and passive. Instead they are on the balls of their feet crouched ready to receive the serve that will be sent. They are in a state of active receptivity - actively poised and ready at any moment to receive the serve.

Prayer is similar: we meditate and pray so that our heart and mind is actively ready to receive whatever grace God may have in store for us. In volleyball, the team receiving the serve cannot determine when the other team will send the serve across the net. They can only get themselves in state of preparedness to receive. Likewise, we cannot determine if or when God will send us the grace of contemplation, but we can control whether we have prepared our heart and mind to be ready to receive graces from Him.

Therefore, the purpose of our active prayer, or meditation, is to prepare our heart and mind for God’s free gift of contemplation.

Here are two broad styles of meditative prayer. 

Vocal Prayer

Relationships are formed on communication; the most common form is conversation. Meditative vocal prayer is speaking with God so as to begin a conversation. It can be done with traditional formulas, such as the Our Father, Hail Mary, the Way of the Cross, etc., or it can even begin with more spontaneous prayer. The idea is to focus on the meaning of the prayer itself while still being openly receptive to starting a conversation with God when He moves you to do so.

Remember our Lord taught us to not “babble as the pagans”. The importance of meditative vocal prayer lies not in quantity, but rather quality of prayer. Fr. Thomas Dubay tells us, “it is better to offer a few prayers with depth of attention and fervor than many repeated with little care or in a rushing way.” In his Introduction to the Devout Life, St. Francis de Sales advises that, while offering vocal prayers, when you are drawn toward wordless meditation or contemplation, it is good rest and let your mind draw closer to God. God desires unity with you more than a certain quota of prayers. 

Reading

Meditative reading is another excellent form of meditation. There is a wealth of holy writing which can help begin a conversation with God. Unlike other spiritual reading, however, the goal of meditative reading is not the knowledge of the contents of the book, but rather filling the mind with God and creating that opening for God to take over the conversation with you.

The best source for meditative reading is Sacred Scripture. Meditating on the life of Christ, the psalms, parables, etc., is the perfect starting point for conversing with God. Also consider the lives of the saints and their writings.

Keep in mind, just as in vocal prayer: the goal is not the reading itself. As God moves you to converse with Him, put the reading aside until you need more material for further meditation. 

Success and Failure

It can be easy to become discouraged if you aren’t seeing what you expect to be the fruits of your prayer. But the fruits may not be readily apparent. Just because you don't think you've reached a state of contemplative union in prayer that you'd like does not mean you have failed. Remember the volleyball analogy - you cannot make the other team serve. You cannot make God give you the grace of contemplation. All you can control is that you open your heart and make it ready to receive - the rest is up to God.