Several years ago, my family adopted a rescue Golden Retriever who we later learned had problems with aggression towards women. We consulted a dog behaviorist who helped us work through the issues and, after nine months, our dog became much more like his old self.
With this newfound knowledge, I started giving advice to other dog owners I met on walks. Most didn't care, but a few did and some even came back to me for advice and it made a positive difference for them. And their dog.
Over my lifetime, I've realized that you can't change people unless they want to change themselves. As blogger Seth Godin says, it's best not to give advice unless someone asks for it.
This reminds me about the time that I was the director for my local Chamber of Commerce. Networking events can be a great way to build relationships and network, but if participants view it only as an opportunity to sell their services, they'll find less success. The members who made the most business at our events were those who were interested in the Chamber's mission and volunteered their time to different committees. They waited for someone to ask for their card, and found much more 'business' in the long run.
At Catholic Men Chicago Southland (CMCS), we often receive requests about Catholic manhood and spirituality. We mentor men on the phone, online, or over coffee to provide guidance or mentoring, without charging for it.
Sometimes, people see advice as criticism. With my own family, many people assume that our simple lifestyle and below-average income mean we're unhappy, and they offer unsolicited advice on what we should do to make more money. While I appreciate their concern, I would prefer if they didn't offer advice without being asked. Or at least ask if I would like some advice.
A few years ago I spoke to two people in line at the Catholic Charities food pantry, and we discussed how everyone is quick to offer free advice to others, sometimes to the point of criticism. One person was a retired doctor, while the other had turned away from gang involvement. Both shared with me their experiences of conversion and trying to live out their Catholic faith.
A spiritual director once shared with me that the key to giving advice is to offer it sincerely, but remain indifferent to whether it's taken or not. It's important not to persist in correcting others. This reminds me about my own father, how I feel like I've learned more from him after he died, than when he was living, because I keep hearing his advice in my head.
Receiving advice, whether asked for or not, requires forgiveness. What works for someone else may not work for us in the same way. We need to be creative in applying advice to our lives and forgive those who may become frustrated or not understand us, especially if they are family or close friends.
One interesting encounter at the food pantry was with the retired doctor who said that she had given away all her money and lives a simple, debt-free life. This decision has helped her focus on her relationship with the Lord and to let go of material possessions. This too is a similar way of what I do, and call it the
lay persons vow of poverty (though I don't presently need the food pantry because of, I believe, my obedience to God's will for my life). Trusting and relying on God's providence only is a constant struggle, but now I would not live any other way! Most people I know don't understand or relate to this.
When it comes to giving advice, I think there's a lot we can learn from rescue dogs. When you love them and example to them leadership, they love you back unconditionally. Rescue dogs especially understand the difference. How much more when we listen to God's Word, and take action about His will for our lives!
