About-face(book)

Okay, after years of feeling smug and self satisfied because I was not on Facebook, now I can’t seem to go more than 37 minutes without checking it. 

Being a Techie guy, you’d think I’d be more open to all things digital, but this wasn’t technology.  This was some “ social” app.  And the way I pronounced “social,” most people would empathically flinch like when someone says “stomach flu.”  Yea verily, I brimmed with unapologetic hubris, as I laughingly tossed around phrases like, “get a life!” to those who spent any time on Facebook.

I had been on the internet for decades.  I had participated in the earliest online communities dedicated to solving technical problems.  We didn’t have time to post funny cat videos or take a picture of the meal we were about to eat.   We were too busy doing serious work solving serious Apple computer problems often related to our video game addictions.  So there was no shortage of paternalistic pooh-poohing of my loved ones who were checking their Facebook accounts each day.  The superior, far sighted, progressive ME would never succumb to that silly dalliance.

Humble pie is best eaten with a glass of whine.


“How come you have 1789 friends and I only have 12?,” I complained.

“Because I’ve been on Facebook for 5 years and you just signed up,”  my wife replied. 

“I signed up 6 weeks ago.  How long does it take for people to befriend you? I’m sure I have more friends than this and I uploaded my entire Address Book.”

“Once bitten, twice shy?  When you’ve insulted them for years about their Facebook participation, perhaps they’re a bit perplexed regarding your newfound enthusiasm? Oh, and it’s called ‘ friend.’”

“Go ahead, rub it in,… friend.  I deserve it.  I know what a friend is and apparently you have one thousand, seven hundred and seventy something more than me...,” I moped.  Self pity is a well worn path on the rug for me.

“No, it’s the verb.  I’m talking about the verb used on Facebook.  Friend.  It’s called ‘friending” someone,” she said.

“Friend is a verb now?”

“On Facebook, yes.  When you friend someone, you have sent them a request to be added to your circle of Facebook friends.  Once they accept, you’re friends.”

“And then you have ‘friended’ them.”

“Exactly.”

“And this is called ‘friending?’”

“As well as anyone knows.”

“Is there a verb shortage I’m not aware of?  Do we really need to keep chopping up nouns to make new verbs?”

“You look at me as if I have the answers.  You’re the one who’s always bragging about being there at the birth of the internet.  Google it, dear husband.”

“And what’s up with this thing I keep seeing on Facebook, ‘epic FAIL?’ What the heck is a FAIL and how did I miss its arrival?”

“That’s the new word for ‘failure,’” she replied with heroic signs of patience. 

“More noun chopping.  Are shorter words cheaper?  Have we gotten to the point where we don’t have time for 2 syllables now?!” 

I was starting to sound like an old, riled up geezer, but all day long I sit on the cutting edge of technology.  When you’re over 50, the wounds don’t heal like they used to.  I’m pretty sure I didn’t used to complain this much in my younger years...

“Vowels are on their way out too,” she said with some hesitation.

“ Vowels?!?  Vowels?!  Next you’ll be telling me we’ll be buying them like from Vanna White!  Why don’t we just give up the entire written and spoken language and just communicate with pictures on our phones?!  Vowels?!  Really?”

She held up a piece of paper that read, “ FWIW, R U 4 real?”

“Ha. Ha.  Okay, I have to get back to my friendly ways and see if I can’t get a few more Facebook friends.  Just saw that the Dalai Lama is on Facebook.  He’ll accept me, right?”

“Word is, he’s pretty accepting,” she said with a wink.

And that’s the story of how our Mick’s Macs Facebook page was born.  The Dalai Lama has yet to accept my friending attempts, but I’m convinced I used too many vowels in the request.  As soon as I figure out the proper way to text him, I’m sure we’ll connect.

In the meantime, if you friend us on Facebook we’ll give you free vowels to use as you see fit.

Wlcm  2  R  Brv  Nw  Wrld....

Mck

EPILOGUE:

My editor (aka: my wife) looks at me askance as she finishes reading the above and says, “And you’re not going to mention anything about Apple’s little press conference tomorrow?”

“The iPhone 5.  It’s bigger.”

“I can see your degree in marketing was not wasted.”

“I don’t have a degree in marketing....Oh.  Yeah.  You knew that.” 

She gets me every time. 

Stay tuned...