It’s nearly over, but it’s still
that time of year. You know the one I mean, where you get pummeled with Christmas cards and Holiday newsletters?
If you organized around taking that faux family photo where you all look like you’re enjoying life more than the rest of us, thought of something pithy to say, figured out how to print 100+ envelopes from your computer’s Address Book, slapped on snail mail forever stamps and made it to the post office,… well... you’re probably feeling pretty smug right now.
At least that’s what those of us who
didn’t succeed at this would like to project upon you. We tend to look at each other and feel guilty as if it’s somehow wrong to receive cards and letters, but not give. And then, just when the self-loathing is about to reach a boil, we’ll get one of
those cards or letters. You know the ones I’m talking about. They’re either horribly self-congratulatory, or they’re embarrassing examples of “oversharing.” It is in that light, that we present snippets from some of our very favorite, really bad, Holiday letters to finish out 2014. [Names changed to protect the guilty.]
In the words of Rod Serling, “You are about to enter another dimension…Next stop, the Twilight Zone.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Dear Ones,
I can’t believe that 2014 is nearly over. What happened to the time?
It was a big year for the Cook Family.
Roger got that promotion at work he was hoping for and to celebrate, we’re buying a vacation home in Tahoe! We still love our second home in Kauai, but felt deprived last year with only 14 days of skiing. As part of Roger’s package, the company will now hire private jets for us as long as we call it “work.” [wink! wink!] Additionally, our accountant has assured us we will pay no taxes for the next 3 years!
Henry is 15 if you can believe it! His modeling career is booming (youngest man ever on the cover of GQ) and in addition to continuing with straight A’s in school, he was just given an award by the mayor for his work with building shelters for the homeless.
Not to be outdone, Camilla just was offered a full academic scholarship to Stanford! You might have seen her in the local paper where she was honored recently for saving not one, but 2 drowning lifeguards at the beach last summer! She's always been a strong swimmer, our Camilla.
My non-profit has gone national and Oprah has not only donated $500k to the cause, but will sit on our Board! We had her and Eckhart Tolle over for dinner the other night. That little German guy is a riot when you get a little wine in him!
Hope your Holidays are Merry!
Love,
Samantha
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Merry Christmas, Ya’ll!
…The whole Sanford clan was excited to welcome our favorite character, Uncle Frank back from prison this last May. We’re glad to have him home again and are hoping that’s the very last time he tries to steal a patrol car. LOL!
Yours,
Gertrude
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Happy New Year from the Ripleys!
…but the really big news this year is that Aunt Marie treated herself to a face lift during her 2 week vacation in Mexico. She didn’t tell us, but she didn’t have to. We haven’t had the heart to tell her we all know. All the nieces and nephews chipped in to buy her a Mary Kay cosmetics workshop weekend for her Xmas present. We’re hoping that will have her toning down the makeup a bit. Right now the grandkids cry every time they see her because she looks like The Joker, Batman’s evil nemesis. The downside for us parents is the grandkids will no longer be left alone with her and we’ve lost our best babysitter. We’re hoping with time they’ll get used to “Smiley” as we’ve taken to calling her…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Merry Christmas, from the Young Family!
We’ve had a rather uneventful year, with the exception that my little brother Fred finally got that vasectomy he’s been thinking about for ages. Everyone thought it was very touching that his wife Mary and their 9 kids all chipped in for it…
Hope your Holidays are Holy,
Sarah
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Year’s Resolutions from the Franklin Family,
We hope this holiday season finds you well. Instead of sending out a holiday letter telling you how the year went (not great), we thought we’d share our New Year’s Resolutions with you. Here they are in no particular order:
G’pa has promised to wear pants when he gets the paper in the morning.
Keeping with the pants theme, our 12 year old boy has promised to not wear pants that are falling off the waistline if his father promises not to wear his above the waistline. Seems a fair trade…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Merry Christmas from the Warners!
Our favorite 42 year old confirmed bachelorette, cousin Stephanie, has vowed in 2015 to “lasso a man." We’re all rooting for her and have suggested she cease adopting cats as 12 is a nice round number. [We’re still negotiating a reduction in cat photo emails.]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We here at Mick’s Macs are infamous for over-sharing and are thus grateful we decided not to attempt a holiday newsletter this year. Hopefully you’ll keep yours coming if we promise not to share them?
Happy New Year!
Mick, Mishan & Family
|