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There are good times and bad in this world, but today will go down as a particularly dark day in history...

[WARNING: Do not read the following sentence if you are driving, free climbing Yosemite, or operating heavy machinery. Reader discretion advised.]

SkyMall, that incredible inflight magazine, is filing for bankruptcy.

[Gasp!] Of course you know the periodical to which I refer? Just behind the air sickness bag and in front of the emergency exit diagram of the plane lies gold. Pure gold. There we could find this literary gem chocked full of jaw-dropping things you would covet and forget about by the end of the flight. And it was FREE! No charge! How many times did you stuff one of these magazines into your carry-on bag and swear you would read later, but never did? Like cotton candy the day after the County Fair, SkyMall just looked wilted and a little sad when you weren’t trapped in a metal box at 35,000 feet. And perhaps that’s what befell the coolest, best magazine to ever debut against zero competition for a captive audience (unless you consider the airline's magazine and menu “reading” material).

People are singing “Internet killed the magazine star,” but it’s hard to believe that even inflight wi-fi could ever complete with the magical mystery tour known as SkyMall. My son will probably talk about it to his kids one day in much the same way we talk about the radio to him.

It’s the end of an era and I’m just devastated…

How can you not be a success when you have a paper towel holder with 4 USB ports, speakers and even a reusable wine cork all in one?!

Watch the video. You have to watch the video. Once you have, you’ll probably resonate with: “so many devices, so few places to plug them in.”  Like me, you probably just know that actor in the video will be displaying this excellent performance proudly on his resume.

I mean, this is a MODERN company, cutting edge! They weren’t about to get left behind in the technological dust. Does anyone else have a paper towel holder with a built-in USB hub, speakers AND a permanent, reusable wine cork?! Every day I use mine, I think about how much I’m saving not having to buy FOUR devices. Our paper towel holder does it all. But where will we seek repairs when one day ports begin to fail?

It’s a wretched day indeed.

But there’s more to grieve. Having trouble finding the bathroom in the dark? Well only SkyMall has a real solution for that. [Or I should say “had.” Still not ready to talk about it in the past tense…need time to grieve…]

Every time I wander towards the loo in the middle of the night, I find the giant, glowing “O” becomes my beacon. It’s comforting. It says to me in a soft, gentle voice, “Hey, yOu’re O-kay. yOu fOund me. All is well. Oh yes.”

Keeping with the potty theme, SkyMall has always been there for our classy pet needs too. Nothing says sophistication like a beautiful piece of designer furniture in your living room that doubles as a litter-box.

Now when guests arrive and say things like, “Oh. You have cats.” you can reply, “Cats? What cats? If we had cats, we’d need a litter box, right? All you see here is fine furniture.” So brilliant, so chic.

I feel lost.

What is going to happen the next time I sit in economy wondering how my derrière will ever fit betwixt and between the 10 cm width of taunting vice-grip “arm” rests? Once I’m finally clamped into place, I know I’ll reach for the pocket in front of my seat and trigger the loss all over again. Sure, I have an iPhone, but there is tradition to be observed here.

I need my SkyMall…

Where else can I order a life-sized Bigfoot? [BTW, my wife may disagree, but it was the  best $2250.00 I ever spent.] What happens when he needs a mate, or just a friend? I don’t have enough time to save up for the Abominable Snowman (who costs $100 more). He was a 2016 expenditure that was already on the books.

Well, one thing is for sure, Papa’s Sippy Wine Glass is going to come in handy as I reel from the news. It’s for “when standing and noshing, and juggling a glass of wine can be challenging.”

That’s most days for me.

If that doesn’t work, my wine glass that holds an entire bottle of wine will have to do the job. Nothing screams HELP!like a guy with glass that holds an entire bottle of wine.

Or maybe the necklace approach is just easier? I don't know.  I'm just completely confused as to where to turn...

Being a psychologically mature adult, I've come to know myself pretty well.  

I’ll probably look to food as a source of comfort.  

That means using my BBQ grill more often to get me through these dark days. Thanks to my Automatic Grill Cleaning Robot, it will always be easy to throw something on to deaden the pain.

This Dark Night of the Soul will be just a little brighter, even in the short days of winter, thanks to my Grill Light, a spatula and flashlight all-in-one. 

I’m so depressed.

It feels like civilization, as we know it, is dying.

Probably an excellent time to check my Tikker, the “happiness, countdown watch” that tells you how long you have to live.

I’m sure mine is running down faster now with SkyMall happiness tikking away…

If I could afford it, I’d get a cool shark boat before SkyMall close their hatches.

Shopping therapy 
has been known to help.

Just can’t scare up $85,000.00 right now. 

[I am, however, seriously considering a KickStarter campaign to finance the Abominable Snowman. Let me know if you're interested.]

My favorite futuristic company's going bankrupt because WHY?! 

Because people think a regular litter box is better than a piece of elegant, designer furniture? Because they are unbelievers when it comes to BigFoot or Zombie yard ornaments or squirrel heads mounted like wild game? Do they really not care about the golden pierogi Christmas tree ornaments, or the joys of being launched in a human slingshot, or simply wearing a sci-fi helmet to get a head massage or grow hair? What about the uncomplicated bliss of finding the bathroom in the middle of the night?

It makes no sense to me.

Does the world think their pets are better off without raincoats? That men don’t want to wear jockey underwear that makes their butt look bigger, or be the proud owner of a one-of-a-kind shirt that no one else can own?  How often in life does that opportunity present itself?  

Who are the masses that think Roswell, the Alien Butler does not make a smart and elegant table for your cocktail? Are we simply blind to the X-factor of lamps that look like Mademoiselle? What about cats that deserve an unpretentious, inexpensive, quiet meditation pod?  How can the world not see the chic of a handbag for women with a giant eyeball on the side that actually blinks? 

Are you going to find something like that at Nordstrom's?

I. Don’t. Think. So.

You won’t be able to find USB iPhone cufflinks or dancing welcome ducks, or a knit cap with a beard attached either. And do you honestly expect Macy’s to carry the Face Trainer? It’s a freakin' FACE trainer! How the heck am I supposed to train my face now?!?

I get that all good things must come to an end.  I understand it's not IF a hard drive will die, but WHEN.  

I just wasn’t prepared for this one.  Didn't see it coming.

If you feel similarly, give us a call at Mick’s Macs and we’ll reminisce about the good old days when SkyMall ruled supreme on our nation’s airways.

We promise to not let the same thing happen to your Mac.

All the best,

Mick