Steps 6 and 7 are so interrelated. There's willingness (Step 6) and then there's asking (Step 7). It's a one/two punch for sure, but they are distinctly different. We go from being ready to have our Higher Power remove all the defects of character we uncovered during our fourth and fifth steps to asking that our shortcomings be removed. And it’s not an action step for ourselves. It's not "I shall remove these defects of character myself", but instead to be removed, appealing to our Higher Power to help us in this regard. Step 6 is the willingness to have these character defects / shortcomings removed and Step 7 is actually asking to have them removed.
From the Big Book. Not much can be found in the Big Book written specifically about Step 7. On page 76, it takes up all of a single paragraph, with the majority being the Seventh Step Prayer:
My Creator,
I am now willing that you should have all of me,
good and bad.
I pray that you now remove from me
every single defect of character
which stands in the way of my usefulness
to you and my fellows.
Grant me strength, as I go out from here,
to do your bidding.
Amen.
From Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. Humility and right sizing are integral to Step 7. Our defects of character or shortcomings may have served us well for a time or in certain circumstances, like survival skills, but they got overextended or overused. “Indeed the attainment of greater humility is the foundation principle of each of AA’s Twelve Steps.” p70.
From Merriam-Webster, humility means “the state of being humble.” Both it and humble have their origin in the Latin word humilis, meaning "low." Humility in recovery is the practice of (mostly :-) accurate self-awareness, letting go of ego-driven control, and accepting that one needs help. It shifts the focus from managing shame or projecting a flawless image to being authentically teachable, responsible, and open to the support of others (AI helped summarize this definition).
And what about right sizing? Before understanding the Program or going through the steps, many thought they were smarter, sharper, more-than. Others swung the opposite way, smaller and less-than. Neither one is true. Step 7 is getting down to our actual, right size — not inflated, not diminished. Just accurate. Humility is key. And that’s where attitudes change.
Consider reading Drop the Rock. While not conference approved, it is genuinely rich in thinking about how to consider steps 6 and 7. Many a sponsor has suggested it to their sponsee. And maybe ask yourself at the end of a day this: did a shortcoming show up today, and did I ask for help with it or did I white-knuckle it? Making that a part of your 10th Step when you constructively review your day, taking stock, just might help reinforce living in humility.
